( notes for alex, jean, morgana, anya, rogue, babs, and zane )

[Public]

[Charles is in his room, which looks much the same as ever - the comfortable, organized clutter of academia everywhere, along with a couple notable artifacts scattered here and there, like the model prehistoric sea creatures Anya had gotten him for Christmas sitting on his desk - and he looks... good. More or less the same brand of content he's been since he got back from his trip home, although there's a sort of unnatural formality to the way he's sitting and addressing the camera.]

It's been two years and three months since I first made my deal with the Admiral. When I did, I had just suffered a variety of great personal loss. I was depressed, desperately hurt, and incredibly frightened of what the future had to offer for both me, personally, and for my friends and family, and I'll be the first to admit that the Barge wasn't entirely helpful in alleviating those worries.

But I'll also be the first to admit that I wouldn't have what I do now without it, and I know I'm not the only one who can say that. I also know that to some of you, I'm likely sounding like a broken record, but as this is the last time I'm going to have opportunity to say something like this for the time being, [And his smile falters a bit at that, because he's said it, he's leaving, he has to go home.] I just want to tell you that what you're feeling right now - the fear and the anger and the sadness - is all legitimate. You are allowed to feel upset, you're allowed to feel defeated and trapped, but it will get better. You will get past it. You will walk away from this and have a future you deserve. And at the end, this is worth it.

[He means it. He's been tortured, hurt, killed, watched friends die, lived a dozen different lives, been blamed for the actions of other counterparts, and a hundred other things, and he has a future to return home to.

That's made it - all of it - more than worth it.]

I'll be leaving tomorrow morning, if anyone's got any last minute business they'd like to address. It's time. [And he feels badly about that, because he'd wanted to stay longer, but he knows he'll always find a reason to stay, and... he really can't. He misses Erik, he misses Raven and the others, and he wants to get the school up and running. Do some real good in his world. He can't do that here.]

And if anyone's got anything to pass along to Tony, Erik or Raven, I'd be more than happy to drop it off.

[Private to River]

I hope you take up Jean and Rogue's offer to learn more about your gifts. If you're ever in need of a place to stay after your time here has come to an end, we'd be happy to have you.

[Private to Crichton]

I know you're probably tired of me meddling in your business, [It's mostly a joke!] But I know Jean would be more than happy to be a resource you can turn to in dealing with Harvey. I'm sorry I couldn't do more while I was here.

[Charles is considerably less composed than Erik was when he clicks on his comm and addresses the Barge. He's happy, but he's spent so long waiting for this to happen, has spent so long here being put through literal hell, listening to people tell him time and time again that it was hopeless for them, that they weren't going to be any different and while he'd never really believed them, it's still good to know that those people had been wrong, that there are going to be challenges in the future but they'll be able to face it together, he won't have to be alone, and he can't stay on this ship for a second longer. Not right now.

So he's smiling, desperate relief radiating off him in waves. His face is still flushed, his eyes a little red, but he absolutely doesn't care less that it looks like he's been crying because this is what he's been waiting for for two very long years.]

I have to go. [And again it hits him that he can go home, that they're going to fix this and he lets out an almost disbelieving laugh.] There's a very urgent matter I need to attend to back home, and it can't wait any longer.

[And there's a part of him that's terrified they'll go back and this will all have turned out to be some kind of cosmic joke, but sounds more excited than anything else, to go back and hope this plays out the right way this time, that they're finally getting their second chance.]

I can't- [Some of the excitement fades, and he takes a breath before continuing.] Knowing the Admiral, I can't promise I'll be back, obviously, but I'll try. I intend to come back.

In the mean time, try not to get into too much trouble.

( Notes for Alana, Alex, Jean, Anya, Morgana and Zane )

[Open Spam following Port]

[It's a little distressing, how easy it is for things to return to what passes for normal around here, because Charles finds himself sliding back into routine more quickly than he'd like to think he might have. Admittedly, that's probably better than it's been in the past, but it's still strange to think about.

He spends a fair amount of time hovering around the infirmary, checking in on Jean and Barbara and Rogue and trying to be useful where he can be. He's not a doctor - well, not that kind of doctor - but he definitely is fairly well versed in first aid, not to mention just being someone to talk to or listen if a patient needs it. He's also still attending meals in the dining hall instead of holing up by himself somewhere, and although sometimes he'll have his nose stuck in a book, he's more than willing to put it down and be social.

There's also his regular morning (and afternoon and evening sometimes, if he feels like it, which generally means he's overwhelmed and in need of an outlet) run in the CES, and he does actually make use of the CTS too, now that Arthur is gone and Babs is in the infirmary. He needs to keep practicing somehow, after all.]

[Filtered away from Creed]

Mark brought this up and I thought it would be worth mentioning: as we're the only two on board trained to counsel others, if anyone feels they're in need of someone to talk to in light of what's happened, [He figures clarifying in port is fairly unnecessary, everyone knows what's going on.] We're both willing to make ourselves available to listen or discuss the matter confidentially with you.

( Private messages for Alex, Anya, Morgana, Zane, Kelsier, Raven and Creed )

[Spam for Erik, slightly backdated]

[Charles is sitting in a comfortable chair in his room, flipping through a new biology book he'd recently discovered in the library, and while he should be focused on what he's reading, he's not, and he hasn't been for a long time, which is entirely the fault of the other occupant of the room.

Erik's been quiet, and for a while Charles had been attributing that to the fact that they were both focusing on the books they were flipping through, but there was definitely something... off about him that he can't quite put his finger on. There's almost always at least a slight telepathic connection between the two of them these days, and usually it was handy to point out different things in the texts without having to get up and show the other, but Erik's just. Quiet. And he's been fidgety, like he has a bad headache or didn't get enough sleep the night before, which is sort of strange too, considering the other mutant usually liked to keep a lid on when things like that were bothering him.

Finally, he can't take it anymore and puts the book aside entirely, staring at his friend and just coming out with the question.]

What's wrong?

[Notice that he's not giving you opportunity here to say that you're fine, because something is definitely wrong, and you are going to fess up about it. :|]

[Private to Spock, backdated to after Sulu's announced that he's back]

I hope this isn't a bad time- [Although from his tone, this is serious fucking business and he doesn't really care if he's interrupting anything right now because asldkjsdglj!!!!!] Have you spoken to Erik or Anya since you've arrived back on the Barge?

[Private to Anya]

We need to talk.

[Like. Right this second. Spoilers: you're grounded. :|]

Mark and I have been discussing making ourselves available to anyone who feels that they need someone to talk to in a more traditional, therapy setting after what happened with Toshiko taking control of the ship. It doesn't require warden permission, and anything discussed will be considered entirely confidential, unless we believe there's a direct threat posed to yourself or to others by not saying anything.

[And he hesitates a beat before saying anything else, because lol does he feel like a hypocrite for saying it.] I know it isn't easy to talk with someone about this sort of thing, but you don't have to cope with it on your own. That goes for wardens, too.

If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask.

[Private to Anya]

You neglected to mention the wise and gentle advisor was a monkey. [But he sounds more amused than anything else, really.]

[Private to Felix]

[This is considerably harder to get into, and there's a part of him that's almost resistant to try, but guilt ends up winning out as it usually does.]

I wanted to apologize for how our conversation went the other day. Toshiko's actions tore open a few more old wounds than I'd like to admit, and I wanted to step away from the conversation without- [Making it obvious how badly he'd been fucked up. :v

He cuts himself off, frustrated with not just being able to brush this off, and not wanting to make it look like he was trying to make excuses.] I should have articulated myself better and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to seem like I was being dismissive.

[Spam for Erik]

( this is the time, this is the place, so we look for the future, but there's not much love to go round )

[Private to Lua]

Anya's asked me to share the conversation we had during the flood a few weeks ago with you. When would be a good time for you?

[Private to Merlin]

How long has Morgana been back? [He is willing to bet that you've known she's back for a while. B(]

[Filtered to Jean and Alex]

Arkady wanted to speak with me and a few other mutants about things she's experienced in her world. Would you two be interested in coming along with me?

[Open Spam for the CES]

[Erik's assessment to Moira during the flood - that Charles wasn't depressed and was still an optimist - was accurate. He'd come a long way from the crushing, oppressive, miserable depression that had followed him since Cuba, and things felt better, if not perfect.

But - as it often seemed to happen - recently, things had gone from fine to getting progressively harder to deal with, and Charles needed space and time to deal with it, to give himself time to rebuild his defenses and come back ready for more of it, which was why he was currently running through the CES in sweats and had been for the better part of an hour. The CES was currently a forest, probably somewhere in North America or maybe Europe. The air was chilly and damp, but not enough to be uncomfortable, and when he finally stopped, panting, leaning against a tree, he squinted up at the sky and trying to determine if it was actually going to start raining or not.

Ever since his spine had been healed, he'd maybe overcompensated for the time he'd spent in the wheelchair, or maybe it had something to do with what had happened with the Vanquish, but either way, he often went on runs in the morning. Today was different in that he was pushing himself to the point of exhaustion, because as long as he kept moving, it felt like he was doing something, allowed him to turn his mind off for a while, instead of examining his guilt about what he'd done to Moira, or his conflicting feelings about Anya, or his worry about Morgana. It was hard not to feel trapped, here, but the CES helped, and so he didn't move to leave just yet, wanting to catch his breath before he headed back in.]

Tony Stark's graduated and elected to return home for now, so I'm afraid congratulations might have to be directed towards one of his teammates to bring back with them when they depart, or otherwise wait until he returns. [If he does, because man seriously Charles would not blame him at all if he elected to stay home permanently.

But then again, Charles has hated the Barge for a long time so maybe he's a little biased. :V]

[Friends Filter]

Are you alright?

[ooc: The one friendly conversation rule applies to the filter! Em says Tony would have said goodbye in person to at least Charles, Pepper, Steve and Banner, but otherwise he just peaced out.]

[Private to the Admiral]

( Items for Erik, Jean, Morgana, Tony, Merlin, Arthur, Steve, Anya, Ivy, Sara, Babs, Wanda, Arkady and Pepper )

[Spam for Erik, backdated to shortly after his talk with Anya]

[It wouldn't exactly be accurate to say that Charles immediately headed for Erik's room after talking with Anya. It wasn't like he'd sprinted there, or anything. But there was really no denying that there was a lot he needed to tell him about, even if some of it he wasn't actually really sure if he wanted to tell him

Still, he still pretty firmly believed some of this was probably best to hear from him, rather than Anya or Lua or whoever else got their hands on the information, so he didn't really beat around the bush once Erik had let him into his room.]

I spoke with Anya.