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SIXTY SIX ✖ SPAM & VIDEO
[Open Spam following Port]
[It's a little distressing, how easy it is for things to return to what passes for normal around here, because Charles finds himself sliding back into routine more quickly than he'd like to think he might have. Admittedly, that's probably better than it's been in the past, but it's still strange to think about.
He spends a fair amount of time hovering around the infirmary, checking in on Jean and Barbara and Rogue and trying to be useful where he can be. He's not a doctor - well, not that kind of doctor - but he definitely is fairly well versed in first aid, not to mention just being someone to talk to or listen if a patient needs it. He's also still attending meals in the dining hall instead of holing up by himself somewhere, and although sometimes he'll have his nose stuck in a book, he's more than willing to put it down and be social.
There's also his regular morning (and afternoon and evening sometimes, if he feels like it, which generally means he's overwhelmed and in need of an outlet) run in the CES, and he does actually make use of the CTS too, now that Arthur is gone and Babs is in the infirmary. He needs to keep practicing somehow, after all.]
[Filtered away from Creed]
Mark brought this up and I thought it would be worth mentioning: as we're the only two on board trained to counsel others, if anyone feels they're in need of someone to talk to in light of what's happened, [He figures clarifying in port is fairly unnecessary, everyone knows what's going on.] We're both willing to make ourselves available to listen or discuss the matter confidentially with you.
[Private Separately to Alex, Anya, Morgana, Zane and Kelsier]
Are you all right? [He knows he's asked Zane already, and Kelsier's likely to try and brush it off even if he's not (as are basically every one of the others), but he wants to be sure.]
[Private to Raven]
[... Just kidding, after a lot of hesitation, he's just going to content himself with asking Erik how she's doing. B(]
[Private to Creed, a while later]
[Again, he's debated saying anything for a long, long time. There's a large part of him that would like to wash his hands of the issue entirely, but as much as he doesn't feel sorry for what happened to him, there's still a part of him that wants to know why. He's obviously not beyond redemption - or at least, he isn't according to the Admiral - so he wants to understand the motivation, especially if it will help prevent this sort of thing from happening in the future.
So he sounds and looks composed, curious, definitely serious; from this communication whatever Creed had hoped to do to him - however personally or intentionally - doesn't appear to be sticking.]
What, exactly, were you hoping to achieve here?
[It's a little distressing, how easy it is for things to return to what passes for normal around here, because Charles finds himself sliding back into routine more quickly than he'd like to think he might have. Admittedly, that's probably better than it's been in the past, but it's still strange to think about.
He spends a fair amount of time hovering around the infirmary, checking in on Jean and Barbara and Rogue and trying to be useful where he can be. He's not a doctor - well, not that kind of doctor - but he definitely is fairly well versed in first aid, not to mention just being someone to talk to or listen if a patient needs it. He's also still attending meals in the dining hall instead of holing up by himself somewhere, and although sometimes he'll have his nose stuck in a book, he's more than willing to put it down and be social.
There's also his regular morning (and afternoon and evening sometimes, if he feels like it, which generally means he's overwhelmed and in need of an outlet) run in the CES, and he does actually make use of the CTS too, now that Arthur is gone and Babs is in the infirmary. He needs to keep practicing somehow, after all.]
[Filtered away from Creed]
Mark brought this up and I thought it would be worth mentioning: as we're the only two on board trained to counsel others, if anyone feels they're in need of someone to talk to in light of what's happened, [He figures clarifying in port is fairly unnecessary, everyone knows what's going on.] We're both willing to make ourselves available to listen or discuss the matter confidentially with you.
[Private Separately to Alex, Anya, Morgana, Zane and Kelsier]
Are you all right? [He knows he's asked Zane already, and Kelsier's likely to try and brush it off even if he's not (as are basically every one of the others), but he wants to be sure.]
[Private to Raven]
[... Just kidding, after a lot of hesitation, he's just going to content himself with asking Erik how she's doing. B(]
[Private to Creed, a while later]
[Again, he's debated saying anything for a long, long time. There's a large part of him that would like to wash his hands of the issue entirely, but as much as he doesn't feel sorry for what happened to him, there's still a part of him that wants to know why. He's obviously not beyond redemption - or at least, he isn't according to the Admiral - so he wants to understand the motivation, especially if it will help prevent this sort of thing from happening in the future.
So he sounds and looks composed, curious, definitely serious; from this communication whatever Creed had hoped to do to him - however personally or intentionally - doesn't appear to be sticking.]
What, exactly, were you hoping to achieve here?
[Private/text]
[Private/text]
[Private/text]
No.
[Private/text]
[Private/text]
[Private/text]
private
private
[private]
[private]
[private]
[private]
[private]
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Private;
Private;
Alright, I suppose that's fair. Do you need anything, anyway?
Private;
Private;
Private;
Private;
text / oh so private
So she writes, instead, unpracticed, with choppy sentences, and it doesn't sound good at all when she reads it over but this is the best she has, so she sends it. ]
Dear Charles,
I think you want to talk to me but you have no idea what to say. That's all right because it's how I feel too, so I'm going to write you a letter instead.
I have been in the gym almost every day since I got to the Barge. You wouldn't believe how much progress I'm making. Natasha Romanov has been teaching me ballet. She says I learn very fast. I like it better than learning how to fight. Fighting makes me feel more powerful, but dancing makes me feel beautiful. My power is more than just skin-deep and I wonder a lot why I never pushed it before and why I never explored what I'm exploring now. Maybe I'll do a dance performance once I've learned enough. If I do, I hope you come, even if we don't talk.
I miss Angel. I miss Azazel and Janos, and I hope you don't hate me for that.
The port was a little scary. I stayed with a friend. He pretends like he's a bad person, but I think he would have protected me with his life if he had to. It's just an instinct. There are a lot of inmates here who like to think they're evil when they're good and just badly hurt. Sometimes I hope I'm assigned someone like that. Sometimes I think I would be worse than useless to someone who's hurt, just like I was worse than useless to you.
My feelings are complicated. I have a hard time figuring them out, so I don't blame you if you feel lost. I'm sorry this is difficult for you. You don't have to tell me that you didn't hurt me on purpose. I already know that. You don't have to tell me it wasn't all your fault, because I know that too. Thank you for pulling away and giving me a chance to find out what I want, even if you don't understand.
I'm sorry Victor hurt your friend. He knows a different Mystique from another world. I tried to talk him into stopping, but it didn't work.
If you want to write back, I'd never tell anyone what you say.
Love,
Raven
text / oh so private
Dear Raven,
You're right. I don't know what to say, but I could never, ever hate you, and I don't think you're useless. I don't know Angel or the others as well as you do, but if they've given you any fraction of the support I've gotten from the others, I completely understand.
I'm sorry you didn't have more time before hitting a port like this. It wasn't as bad as some of the others we've been to, but I don't think I have to explain to you why having your abilities restricted is so distressing.
I know you said you won't tell anyone anything I write to you, but there's a part of me that's afraid to tell you this. It's not because I don't trust you, but because I've always been afraid of admitting it to myself, too. My feeling lost isn't your fault. I've felt lost a good deal of the time I've been here. Sometimes I'm afraid of how much I've changed in the last two years. I've seen so many terrible things that sometimes I can't sleep at night, no matter what I do to try and forget. In several of the psychology courses I've had to take, we discussed the effect combat had on soldiers during the war, and there's a part of me that wonders if a good deal of us - myself included - are suffering from something very similar. It's not quite Post Traumatic Stress in every case, and I'm hesitant to start flinging diagnoses around when I'm the patient in question, but I don't think I'll ever be used to seeing people I care about get hurt.
If you do decide to hold a performance, you know I'll be there in a heartbeat. I'm glad you've found something you enjoy doing here, and I meant what I said about you being a good warden. Realizing that most of the people here are more hurt than anything else is important, and I know you'll be able to help whoever you get assigned to.
I hope you know that it wasn't your fault that Victor hurt those people, and I'm glad you wrote to me. I miss you, and I'm beyond relieved that you're not hurt. If you want to write again, you know I'm always happy to listen.
Love,
Charles
P.S. The Cheshire Cat is still on my desk.
text / oh so private
I know it was not my fault. What I don't know is what to do about him. He implies a lot of things. Rogue was at least straightforward about what she knew. Yes, it was scary not to have my powers. I guess that is when it is important to have people to protect you.
I am starting to believe that we have terrible timing. I wonder what would have happened if I had been here earlier. In a lot of ways those two years of yours aren't real to me. It's hard for me to believe that you have been for so long without me. It's like I woke up and the world was different overnight. I was afraid of the worst when I came here and that isn't what happened.
Remember the last time I told you I was proud of you? I'm telling you again. I'm proud of you, and I think you're doing right for Erik. You're wiser than you were when I saw you last before the Barge.
Love,
Raven
P.S. Watch him and remember to smile.
text / oh so private
text / oh so private / 'your room needs color' says she of the hideous wallpaper
text / oh so private / man seriously raven what is that
[Private]
It's just been a damn long time since he was down low enough to carve "help me" into the walls.
He looks about as well as he feels, which is to say not very. His gaze is glassy and dull, complexion sallow, expression dour. Shoulders slumped with exhaustion. The bedroom around him is torn apart, victim of the one and only tantrum he could maintain, and he sits in the gloom. Just kind of glowering.]
A little education. Iris seemed to be under the impression all I need's a little watering an' some sunshine. A little organized playtime.
Thought I'd take the opportunity to correct her. Throw a little fun towards the ragtag boyscouts while I was at it.
Sounded like your boy really enjoyed himself.
[Private]
He doesn't acknowledge the comment about Erik, because he's not interested in exploring deflections.]
So, this was all to make a point? You didn't appreciate the image she'd constructed of you, and took the opportunity to correct it?
[Private]
[And dismissed, by the man in front of him no less, which just makes the whole thing rich. He's not angry about it though, not especially. No reason to be when he's accepted the ruling into his heart and soul. Made it his own because it was that or be disappointed and like hell is he going to let them have that over him.
He laughs then, quiet and threadbare, more wry than anything else. He bares his teeth through it, even as it threatens to churn things up again, and he gags at the end but swallows it down. Takes a breath to steady before continuing.]
Best thing any of ya frails can do to make sure I don't hurt anybody is lock me up or kill me, and I think little Babs proved that ain't gonna work either.
Sooner you learn that the better off you'll all be.
[Private]
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[Private]
[Private]
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[Private]
Are you?
[Private]
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[Private]
[Private]
[Private]
[Private]
Private;
[Maybe, partly, because he's just very curious about the certified professionals on board.]
Private;
Private;
Private;
Private;
Private;
Private;
Private;
[infirmary spam]
Until now. She's on her way to fetch Barbara some fruit juice, she's still avoiding Rogue because the effort of holding down everything twisting and raging in her mind is still taking everything she has and she can't yet bring herself to risk breaking her grip.
She's not looking where she's going, and she all but runs head-on into Charles; which is another huge guilt trigger. For a moment she looks up at him like a cornered animal; then she pulls the glassy grey-blue calm back over her gaze with a visible effort.]
'Ey. You all right?
[infirmary spam]
He's not sure if he's angry at her for what happened. It's - probably - not like she could have stopped Creed herself, and she hadn't given him back his abilities. There's no point in blaming her for what happened, but he's still definitely uncomfortable and trying to hide it because, well. The head thing.]
I've been better. [He clears his throat, trying to meet her gaze without broadcasting any of his own feelings.] How are you?
[infirmary spam]
[infirmary spam]
[infirmary spam]
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[infirmary spam]
[infirmary spam]
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[infirmary spam]
Spam
She hurts, but that just means she's alive.
So her smile to Charles is more genuine than not.]
How are you?
Spam
Can I get you anything?
Spam
Spam
Spam
Spam
Spam
Spam
Spam