FORTY ✖ TEXT

[wedonot]

[Private to Morgana, backdated to after Mozenrath's post]

Mozenrath's asked me to be your interim warden for the foreseeable future. How are you doing?

Comments

[youwillgotohell]

[But tea is good for you B(]

Do you enjoy feeling like a child? [You can hear the dryness if you try.]

[wedonot]

[Not as the only thing you're eating. :|]

I haven't really felt like a child since I was nine, to be honest.

[youwillgotohell]

[WELL IT WAS IN WONDERLAND]

Why?

[wedonot]

[YOU'RE NOT IN WONDERLAND ANYMORE, DOROTHY.

Wrong girl in a blue dress excuse me.]

Telepathy makes it difficult to hang on to childhood in some ways. And then when my sister came along a few years later, I basically helped raise her, in some ways. I was always sort of mentally old for my age.

[youwillgotohell]

[EVERYTHING IS SO CONFUSING.]

I've noticed.

[She is trying to make a joke B(]

[wedonot]

[It's funny. :c]

Yes, I know, shocking that I'm not actually sixty.

[youwillgotohell]

It's a surprise every time I see you.

[wedonot]

Is there anything you'd want to change to make you feel less like a child?

[youwillgotohell]

The bookcases are bolted down.

[A pause, and she grudgingly admits:]

I can understand why.

But nothing is familiar here. I don't have my magic. I have one dress.

[It's actually pretty threadbare, she's been wearing it for like a year and a half. B(]

I hate it here. [She doesn't mean the room. :c]

[wedonot]

I know. [And he hesitates before saying anything else, because he feels bad, admitting this to people sometimes.]

I do, too, sometimes.

[youwillgotohell]

You could leave.

[PLEASE DON'T LEAVE is what she doesn't say.]

[wedonot]

I won't. I'd never leave Erik here by himself.

[youwillgotohell]

[Yeah there is a very long pause on her end, because she thinks it's good of Charles; but when Merlin said something similar, she wanted to hate him for it.]

Merlin said he wouldn't leave Arthur. Or me.

[wedonot]

[... Well.]

How do you feel about that?

[youwillgotohell]

He's lying. Arthur's the only one that's ever mattered to him.

[wedonot]

How do you feel?

[youwillgotohell]

[Neglected. Unwanted. Useless, helpless, never good enough.]

He tried to kill me. I don't care what he thinks.

[wedonot]

I don't quite believe that. [Or you know. AT ALL.]

[youwillgotohell]

Are you reading my mind, Charles? [Cause that's cheating B(]

[wedonot]

No. [He hasn't been using it all that much since port unless it's to bother Erik/make sure he's still alive. B(]

[youwillgotohell]

He should have been my ally. My friend. He should have helped me. I could have

[She would have loved him for telling her she wasn't alone, for showing her she didn't need to be afraid. But he didn't, and she doesn't really want to think about that.]

I'm tired of being alone.

[wedonot]

He should have. He knows that, too.

But Morgana, you're not alone. I'm not going to ask you to just forget about what Merlin did or didn't do, or trust him or Arthur again, but all I want is to help you.

[youwillgotohell]

And when Erik graduates, or disappears, you'll leave.

And you don't agree with me. You think I'm wrong, that I should leave the kingdom in his hands and just

[She pauses for a long moment cause lol now she's trying not to cry, and it's kind of hard to type when you're trying to clear your vision.]

disappear.

[wedonot]

First of all, not that this is a competition, but I don't necessarily think Erik's going to graduate before you do, and I certainly don't think you should just disappear. What happened to you was so wrong, Morgana. You deserve to be safe and happy, that just shouldn't come at the expense of others.

[youwillgotohell]

I'll never be safe with Arthur on the throne.