FORTY ✖ TEXT

[wedonot]

[Private to Morgana, backdated to after Mozenrath's post]

Mozenrath's asked me to be your interim warden for the foreseeable future. How are you doing?

Comments

[youwillgotohell]

I'll never be safe with Arthur on the throne.

[wedonot]

You don't think he has it in him to forgive you?

[youwillgotohell]

I won't forgive him.

[wedonot]

[Forgiveness was never an option?]

Forgiveness takes time and is something you have to earn. No one's expecting you to want to be friends with him or Merlin after what happened.

[youwillgotohell]

[Sadly accurate :C]

Have you read the legends?

[wedonot]

Yes. Most of them, anyway, I don't know if there's anything published after 1962 that I've missed.

[youwillgotohell]

Arthur is always the hero. Merlin is always his adviser.

My sister and I are always the antagonist. I never sit the throne. I never bring peace to Camelot.

Is it fate, do you think? A message? If those worlds are real, then what does it say about my future?

[wedonot]

Absolutely nothing.

Ever since I arrived here, all I've been hearing about is how Erik and I are going to constantly be at war with each other, and that we'll drag kids in the middle of it and apparently not give much of a damn if it hurts them. Apparently our government is never going to accept us, and they'll sanction use of extremely destructive weapons against us to try and wipe us out, and try to force "cures" on us, instead of trying to find common ground. [And he hesitates before saying the next part, because, well. It's still basically impossible to imagine what the hell is going to happen to make Jean want to kill him.] I've been told one of my students is going to kill me.

If I let myself believe that was the only future I had to look forward to, I'm not sure I'd ever leave the Barge, as awful as it is here. But I still believe we can do something to stop it from happening, or at least prevent some of the damage it could cause, and I know everyone's always talking about how the Barge is designed to give inmates a second chance, but maybe that's true for wardens, too.

Your "fate" or "destiny" is whatever you ultimately decide for yourself, based on choices you made. There's no mystical force guiding us along to make these decisions, it's just us.

[youwillgotohell]

When my sister died [When I killed her, and she's glad Charles isn't reading her mind,] the Calliech gave me a warning. She told me that I'd created a new world, and I wouldn't walk through it alone. She told me that Emrys - Merlin - is my destiny, and my doom.

Morgause died for that message. [Not exactly, but.]

I can't ignore it.

[She pauses for a long moment.] It could have been so different.

[wedonot]

[Wow, excuse Charles as he has some 'I am vaguely uncomfortable with the not quite but kinda parallelism here' feels. B(]

It could still be different. There are plenty of ways to interpret that message. What if it means something less literal, like you and Merlin working together means doom for your old ideas?

Unless she explicitly said "Merlin is going to kill you and there's nothing you can do to stop it", you don't know exactly what she meant.

[youwillgotohell]

'He is your destiny, and he is your doom.'

It seemed straightforward to me.

[Yeah that's a snarky text, what of it. B(]

And he was the reason I died. He wasn't the one to run me through, but he made me helpless. He was my doom.

[wedonot]

But you can change that. Both of you, in your own time, but it can be done.

[youwillgotohell]

How?

[wedonot]

If the answer was that simple, I would have given you it already. And figured out how the hell to solve my problems instead of sitting around moping.

[youwillgotohell]

Then maybe it can't be changed, and you're only too hopeful.

[wedonot]

Maybe it's just difficult to quantify, and the world's made you cynical.

I don't know how it could happen because there are so many factors to take into account. Maybe a flood forces the two of you to put aside your differences and you eventually realize that's more beneficial to everyone than fighting indefinitely. Maybe you'll never truly forgive him, but you'll find something else that makes you happy that doesn't involve getting revenge and taking the throne. I'm just a telepath, I can't predict the future.

[youwillgotohell]

I can. Do you know how often my dreams have come true?

[wedonot]

No.

[youwillgotohell]

Every time. What I see always comes to pass.

[And she hesitates for a long moment before adding,] I've seen a terrible battlefield, and Emrys standing over me. I think

[It makes her scared, and angry, and it's so difficult to finish.]

I was begging for my life.

[wedonot]

[He wants to say Merlin would never kill her. It's hard, sometimes, to look at their situation and be objective, because there are moments of such startling similarity between them and him and Erik, but there are differences. Major ones. He understands why Merlin made some of the decisions he's made, but Charles would never poison Erik, even if it meant destruction. He couldn't do it. He didn't know if that made him naive and Merlin smart, or made one of them a better man than the other, and he couldn't promise Merlin would spare her life if it came down to that.]

It still might not happen. We can change things here, Morgana.

[youwillgotohell]

I've been trying to prevent my visions since I first started having them.

[And she doesn't want to admit defeat, because saying that battlefield will happen will mean she's lost, and there's no point in going on - but if she doesn't go on, it will never happen, and it's meant to happen.

It wasn't enough that she was born with magic, she had to be given this extra curse. She hates it, all too often.]

[wedonot]

I still don't believe our destinies have already been decided for us. What's the point of doing anything if everything we'll ever do has already been decided for us?

[youwillgotohell]

Because we aren't meant to know.

[wedonot]

In worlds like ours, where people can predict the future, that seems a bit flawed, wouldn't you say?

[youwillgotohell]

Maybe it's a flaw in me.