SEVEN ✖ TEXT/SPAM

[wedonot]

[Generous Friends Filter - if you think you're on it, you are.]

If you all wouldn't mind checking in, I'd appreciate it.

[Private to Gaeta]

Are you alright?

[Spam for Erik]

[So. That port.

Coming back and remembering everything that had happened was sort of like being punched in the stomach and having the wind knocked out of him, and for a long moment, all he could do was sit and try to process everything.

He'd been able to walk. And maybe considering it had only been a few weeks - or months now, he realized - since he'd been injured, to an outsider, that might not seem like it should have been that big of a deal, but to him, it was basically everything. He wouldn't be here if it wasn't. But that person, that other self or whatever it was, had been willing to go too far to get his mobility back, and all he was left with was a bad taste in his mouth, overwhelming guilt and feeling vaguely sick. Sick because (while he already painfully missed being able to stand up and walk and run and not have to carefully plan out everything to make sure he wasn't stuck somewhere) everything else in that world had been awful. He hated himself for feeling any kind of jealously of his counterpart, because yes, he'd been able to walk but at what cost, how selfish did you need to be to make a decision like that, your life, your benefit at the cost of others? It was alien and frightening and just disgusting to think that for a few days, he'd been that person and the memories of what he'd done would never fully go away. He knew he hadn't really been in control of what had happened, but he still felt like he was responsible, that he was or had been a monster while they'd been in that world and he didn't know what to do with that.

Eventually he realized he had things he needed to do other than sit around feeling vaguely sick and full of misplaced self loathing - how could anyone just walk up to someone and rip their heart out of their body like it wasn't a big deal, it was just part of the job? and was he really that much better than him, selling himself away to the Admiral for the same reward - and decided to try focusing on that instead of the crushing weight of what had happened. He sent messages out to people, checking in on them and replying for a little bit before deciding he needed to check on Erik.

Maybe it was a comfort thing, to be around someone familiar from back home, maybe it was just easier to focus on other people's well being than what had happened to him, maybe he just needed to get out of his room for a while, but whatever the reason, he pulled himself back into his chair and headed next door, knocked on the door and waited.]

Comments

Private

[takeyouapart]

I'm fine.

[Ahaha no, he's been working solidly in the Infirmary since he got back like he's doing penance.]

Are you - will you be alright?

Private

[wedonot]

I'm fine. [lol nope you wouldn't happen to need help in the infirmary would you. :|]

Glad you're alright.

Private

[takeyouapart]

Yeah.

[Conversations where both parties know the other is lying: THE BEST CONVERSATIONS.]

...it's not...you, the person you become. It's not as if you would definitely be that person if only you'd been born in that place, that time.

I know it doesn't mean much.

Private

[wedonot]

I know. It's just... Complicated. When you still remember all of it.

[If he would have rather lost his powers again than go through this, you know it's bad. :c]

Private

[onceandfutureprat]

Are you alright?

Private

[wedonot]

Fine. Thanks. Are you?

Private

[onceandfutureprat]

As can be expected.

You were... affected. That's the word for it, I think.

Private

[wedonot]

I was. I guess I must have fallen off the ship.

[Private, Text]

[itstopped]

[He's tempted to be 12 years old and just ignore it, but eventually he replies:]

Fine.

Recovering.

[Private, Text]

[wedonot]

[Well that vague answer is just going to have him feel ALL THE GUILT.]

What happened?

[Private, Text]

[itstopped]

My "repo" caught up with me. Gaius, of course.

I'm not dead, no thanks to him. [Or you. >:(]

[Private, Text]

[wedonot]

Felix, I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do?

Private, text

[strangehistorian]

FIne, .

Private, text

[wedonot]

I'm glad.

[Private | Text]

[truth_is_cold]

Your inmate was attacked by Gaius Baltar, Regina George, and Lua Klein. None of the assailants were themselves for the port.

[Delivered like a report. He's not angry. He's doing it for Lua's benefit as much as for Felix's.]

[Private | Text]

[wedonot]

Thank you for informing me.

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

[It was perhaps a testament to how tightly controlled Erik was that he had managed not to overturn every item of furniture, shatter every breakable object in his room. He sat instead on the edge of his bed, facing out the window, staring at the stars that looked almost stationary, back to the door. He wasn't sure he wanted to bother answering the door when he heard the knock.

Magda. He could stare out the window and remember her as she was as a child, the girl who worked as a maid with her mother at his school. His first crush. His first love. He could blink, and see her in the gypsy camp, gaunt and dying. He could remember escaping with her, an arm around her shoulders as they ran, and ran, and ran.

And he could close his eyes, and see his marriage on Sanitarium Island, his happy life, his happy wife, his child. His Anya, who he loved. That was harder to bear than the things he'd done, the people he'd killed. People died; they very rarely came back.

He did answer the door, eventually. Pulling the door open, he looked down at Charles, helmet firmly in place.]

What do you want? [It was gruff, maybe gruffer than he meant it. He should be alone, now; he shouldn't be sharing this with anyone, even Charles.]

[Spam]

[wedonot]

I- [He cut himself off, or more accurately, the words just escaped him, because he didn't really know what he was doing here and there was just a lot to process. He finally sighed and shrugged slightly.]

I wanted to see how you were doing. [And he was a total mess and needed to do something other than sit in his room feeling sorry for himself.] Can I come in?

[Spam]

[wecanavenge]

Fantastic, [he said dryly, and for a moment he was certain he'd decline, and close the door, and continue to sit here alone. But Erik surprised himself - not that he let on - by stepping aside to let Charles wheel himself in.]

You aren't. [He doesn't need to ask, he knows Charles. Charles is not okay after this.

[Private]

[youwillgotohell]

I...I am not like that. We haven't known each other long. I wanted you to know. [Because oh God what if that makes you side with Arthur. But okay also beyond that WTF WAS THAT.]

[Private]

[wedonot]

[IDK MORGANA, THAT PORT CAN GO TO HELL.]

I know. I don't think any of us were like... those people.

[Private]

[youwillgotohell]

[IN A DAMN HAND BASKET.]

No. Yet I still remember her. I remember being her.

Private.

[washerlocket]

Are you alright?

Private.

[wedonot]

I'm fine. Are you?

Private.

[washerlocket]

Yes. I didn't go into port.