wedonot | SEVEN ✖ TEXT/SPAM

[Generous Friends Filter - if you think you're on it, you are.]

If you all wouldn't mind checking in, I'd appreciate it.

[Private to Gaeta]

Are you alright?

[Spam for Erik]

[So. That port.

Coming back and remembering everything that had happened was sort of like being punched in the stomach and having the wind knocked out of him, and for a long moment, all he could do was sit and try to process everything.

He'd been able to walk. And maybe considering it had only been a few weeks - or months now, he realized - since he'd been injured, to an outsider, that might not seem like it should have been that big of a deal, but to him, it was basically everything. He wouldn't be here if it wasn't. But that person, that other self or whatever it was, had been willing to go too far to get his mobility back, and all he was left with was a bad taste in his mouth, overwhelming guilt and feeling vaguely sick. Sick because (while he already painfully missed being able to stand up and walk and run and not have to carefully plan out everything to make sure he wasn't stuck somewhere) everything else in that world had been awful. He hated himself for feeling any kind of jealously of his counterpart, because yes, he'd been able to walk but at what cost, how selfish did you need to be to make a decision like that, your life, your benefit at the cost of others? It was alien and frightening and just disgusting to think that for a few days, he'd been that person and the memories of what he'd done would never fully go away. He knew he hadn't really been in control of what had happened, but he still felt like he was responsible, that he was or had been a monster while they'd been in that world and he didn't know what to do with that.

Eventually he realized he had things he needed to do other than sit around feeling vaguely sick and full of misplaced self loathing - how could anyone just walk up to someone and rip their heart out of their body like it wasn't a big deal, it was just part of the job? and was he really that much better than him, selling himself away to the Admiral for the same reward - and decided to try focusing on that instead of the crushing weight of what had happened. He sent messages out to people, checking in on them and replying for a little bit before deciding he needed to check on Erik.

Maybe it was a comfort thing, to be around someone familiar from back home, maybe it was just easier to focus on other people's well being than what had happened to him, maybe he just needed to get out of his room for a while, but whatever the reason, he pulled himself back into his chair and headed next door, knocked on the door and waited.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[His original bargain. Erik's almost afraid to ask.]

And that is?

[Charles was quiet for a long moment, looking down at his lap instead of at Erik. It should have been obvious, shouldn't it?]

To fix the damage to my spine.

[He wished it wasn't. He really wished it wasn't, but it is, and now Charles has gone and said it, damn it.] Of course. [He wants to say more, but he doesn't know WHAT to say.]

Erik- [He looks up sharply, staring at him, not needing his telepathy to have an idea of what's going on in his head.] This isn't your fault.

[He'd caused it, but he hadn't meant it, he knew he'd never intentionally do something like that, not to him, and even though he knew what he'd said on the beach after it had happened... Yes, Erik had done it because he wasn't paying attention, but he hadn't meant to do it.]

You said it yourself, Charles. ['You did this.' Like he could ever forget that. His voice was hard, but not accusatory: he couldn't disagree. Of course it had been his fault. His, and the woman's.]

[He really doesn't want to talk about it, if we were really being honest. Reliving it on his own is painful enough without doing it with Erik, although this is probably something his friend needs to hear.] It was an accident. I don't blame you for what happened.

[He doesn't know what to say to that, so he says nothing; it's hard to articulate how Erik blames himself, how he blames Moira more, how he hates himself for not just killing her at the start and keeping it all from happening. She'd been useless in the end, an insignificant human who was momentarily unique for tolerating a mutation she couldn't understand.]

[He knew he'd heard him, and while he wasn't expecting Erik to have anything earth shattering to say in response, he did want to make sure he actually heard what he'd said. Charles would forgive him, he would always forgive him, and he didn't carry a grudge over his injury.]

Erik. [Prompting, trying to get him to listen, or say something, or do something other than just stand there quietly.] It was an accident.

It was a mistake. [It was so easy to blame Moira, to say that they never should have brought her, but it was his mistake, his carelessness, and that would never change.]

Keep your bargain. That man wasn't you, it shouldn't influence your decision.

[He knows. But it was still rattling, and it's still something he wants to think about. Or maybe he doesn't. It was a lot to process and it wasn't something he really wanted to need to focus on.]

I'll think about it. [And changing the subject:] Have you been up to the CES, yet?

[Definitely too much to process, and the topic change is actually welcome. Erik exhales quietly.] No. Have you?

Just once or twice. [It's not somewhere he likes going by himself because the chair. :v] Do you want to come see it?

[Help him get his powers back and he can float you over roots and shit c:]

...All right. [Not really, but. He doesn't know that he wants to sit here either.]

[This is the best idea Parker hand over the powers. c:

Charles smiles, secretly sort of relieved he'd said yes instead of electing to hide in his room and focus on what they'd just been through.] Brilliant. Come on.

[He turns to start heading for the door, maybe pausing briefly to make sure Erik was actually following him.]

[He does follow, but after a pause, watching Charles wheel himself. He almost offers to push the chair for him, even reaches for the metal in it, judging his capabilities. Normally, it would be nothing; now, he has a feeling it would be more difficult than he'd care to admit. So he doesn't offer, just follows after Charles - and slipping a round him to open the door. He could do that much, at least.]

[That gets an appreciative smile out of him, because seriously doors have become incredibly annoying things to deal with. He wheels himself out into the hallway and waits for Erik to follow.] It's really something. It can only create natural environments, but it doesn't seem like a simulation, and if there are boundaries, I've never seen them.

More of the future's science, [he drawled, but really he means the Admiral's fucked up magic. :v] Charming. Forests and hills?

[It's weird, Charles misses physics. :C] It depends. I'm not sure how it decides when to change what's inside, or if there are a set number of locations it cycles through.

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