wedonot | EIGHTY THREE ✖ VIDEO

[Private Individually to Alex, Jean, Morgana, Anya, Rogue, and Babs]

There's something I'd like to discuss with you, and I think it might be better to do in person, if you're not too busy.

[And he knows that sounds... not great, and people will probably know what he means, but. He'd still really rather do this in person.]

[Private to Zane]

[He's leaving a copy of this recording with Morgana, just in case, and there's a part of him that's beyond guilty about not being able to wait until Zane's awake to hear this himself, but. It's time. And it's not like it's the last time they'll ever see each other, if Zane doesn't want it to be.]

I'm sorry to do this while you're not awake, but I think I've realized I've put this off for too long already. I'm going to be heading home.

I know you've had a difficult few months, but I know you're capable of finding what you need and making it work. You're an exceptional individual, and I'm very honored to have had the opportunity to help you on your journey.

I also want to make it very clear that this is only goodbye if you want it to be. There will always be a place for you with us if you need it, permanently or just for a day or two. Maybe some of our future students could stand to learn a thing from you. [And even though it sounds like he's joking, and his expression's a little teasing, he means it. He absolutely means it.]

I'm also leaving Anya with a key to the greenhouses and garden for you if you want them. I know I found working there a great comfort when I felt I wasn't doing much good here, and I promise that you are. Have some faith in yourself. God knows I do, and I know I'm not the only one.

[His smiles gets a little bit wobbly for a few seconds. Goodbyes are hard.]

Take care.

[Public]

[Charles is in his room, which looks much the same as ever - the comfortable, organized clutter of academia everywhere, along with a couple notable artifacts scattered here and there, like the model prehistoric sea creatures Anya had gotten him for Christmas sitting on his desk - and he looks... good. More or less the same brand of content he's been since he got back from his trip home, although there's a sort of unnatural formality to the way he's sitting and addressing the camera.]

It's been two years and three months since I first made my deal with the Admiral. When I did, I had just suffered a variety of great personal loss. I was depressed, desperately hurt, and incredibly frightened of what the future had to offer for both me, personally, and for my friends and family, and I'll be the first to admit that the Barge wasn't entirely helpful in alleviating those worries.

But I'll also be the first to admit that I wouldn't have what I do now without it, and I know I'm not the only one who can say that. I also know that to some of you, I'm likely sounding like a broken record, but as this is the last time I'm going to have opportunity to say something like this for the time being, [And his smile falters a bit at that, because he's said it, he's leaving, he has to go home.] I just want to tell you that what you're feeling right now - the fear and the anger and the sadness - is all legitimate. You are allowed to feel upset, you're allowed to feel defeated and trapped, but it will get better. You will get past it. You will walk away from this and have a future you deserve. And at the end, this is worth it.

[He means it. He's been tortured, hurt, killed, watched friends die, lived a dozen different lives, been blamed for the actions of other counterparts, and a hundred other things, and he has a future to return home to.

That's made it - all of it - more than worth it.]

I'll be leaving tomorrow morning, if anyone's got any last minute business they'd like to address. It's time. [And he feels badly about that, because he'd wanted to stay longer, but he knows he'll always find a reason to stay, and... he really can't. He misses Erik, he misses Raven and the others, and he wants to get the school up and running. Do some real good in his world. He can't do that here.]

And if anyone's got anything to pass along to Tony, Erik or Raven, I'd be more than happy to drop it off.

[Private to River]

I hope you take up Jean and Rogue's offer to learn more about your gifts. If you're ever in need of a place to stay after your time here has come to an end, we'd be happy to have you.

[Private to Crichton]

I know you're probably tired of me meddling in your business, [It's mostly a joke!] But I know Jean would be more than happy to be a resource you can turn to in dealing with Harvey. I'm sorry I couldn't do more while I was here.

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[She hesitates for a moment, and realizes when she sees his face that they both know what's coming. Part of her wants to demand he just say it here, don't make her wait to get comfortable, just say it so she can walk away, spitefully leave him first.

But it's Charles, and she feels a familiar flare of agony at having conflicting desires. She felt it once for Arthur. Charles has always been the better brother.

So she steps past him when he lets her, moves to the center of the room and turns to face him again.]

Just say it, Charles.

I'm leaving.

[He says it, and the world doesn't end. It doesn't stop it from feeling like the wrong thing to do, though.

He closes the door, takes a step back into the room, and starts talking before she has a chance to say anything to that.]

There were a few reasons I decided to come back after Erik graduated, but if I'm really being honest, my biggest concern was making sure you were alright. I didn't want to abandon you here, and I still don't. I wish I could take you with me more than anything. [And he does, even if he knows she probably wouldn't be content living at the mansion, having to navigate how to build a better future when she's not quite at the right spot to make those sorts of choices over revenge and anger.]

But this isn't about me, or what I want. It's always been about you finding your own way, and I know you will. You don't need me here acting like a sanctimonious ass pretending I know what's best for you.

[He's half joking, because he knows he's not always that bad, but it's still true.]

[The world doesn't end, and she doesn't fly into a rage. He has always pushed her to be better than she is, and she doesn't always know how to do that - but on occasion, she tries.]

What if I do?

[She knows she doesn't even as she says it, but there is a part of her that does not want to let him go. He's been through so much with her - how could anyone else possibly understand it?]

You don't. [She doesn't need a crutch, doesn't need him to be another chirping voice in her ear trying to tell her what she should do, or how she should think or feel.] And if you feel like you do, try to remember that even if I'm not physically here, I'm still with you.

[On her side, in her corner, however you want to put it.]

I know that isn't the same as me being here, but I'm never going to stop cheering for you, Morgana. [And he smiles, fond and maybe a little teasing.] I think it's fairly clear by now there's nothing you can do to change that.

I want to make sure your story is told the way it should be, but you need to do that, too. And I know you can. You can do this.

[She doesn't want to do this. She doesn't want to spend another year here, trapped by the things she has had to do. She doesn't want to face the things she never should have done. She doesn't want to face the losses, the connections that were ripped away from her. She doesn't want any of this.

But maybe, maybe even for the first time, a small part of her does.

She doesn't think it coherently, doesn't acknowledge it. It becomes part of the fuel for her desire to leave.]

I think you may have gone mad, [she mutters in response to the idea that nothing can shift him from her side. The words are half lost, though, when she closes the space between them to hug him tightly.]

[It catches him a little off guard - he'd sort of prepared for the worst in some ways as to how this goodbye was going to go - but it's basically instinct to immediately wrap his arms around her and just. Breathe.

Because this is okay. This is going to be okay. She will walk out of here, they will see each other again, this isn't goodbye. He isn't abandoning her, it's okay to need to go home and start the life he's fought so hard to have.

His voice is still the slightest bit choked when he finds it again. Just a little. And he hasn't moved to let go.]

I would have thought that was apparent months ago. [It's a joke, don't worry.]

[Her eyes sting, and she knows her eyes are over bright, knows hat if she closes her eyes now, tears will spill over. She squeezes them shut, and presses her face down against his shoulder.

In another world, he was her brother. In a different world, she could have loved him as something more. Int his one, he has been through so much with her, he has judged her and withheld judgement, he has coaxed her and chided her and taught her, and she is so loathe to lose him now.

There are sparks of anger, a view point that sees this as abandonment. Sparks that could spawn an inferno, but they don't catch. She feels too hollowed out at the prospect of his loss.]

It was apparent the day I met you.

[He strokes her hair when she hides her face against his shoulder and takes another shaky breath, blinking past the blurriness in his own vision.

It doesn't really work. But he does laugh, because he's pretty sure that's the prevailing theory when people first meet him. Probably afterwards, too.]

When you're finished here, [When, because it's totally happening.] I expect you to come visit. First thing.

[Okay, maybe he won't hold it against you if it's the second or third stop you make, but. Seriously, he expects you to come by and stay for a while. And then visit.]

Honestly, we could always use more teachers, if you're in need of something more permanent.

[She has her doubts. She has so, so many doubts, too many to agree with him easily. When. When she graduates. It feels out of reach, but for the first time, she feels as though maybe, if she stretched, her fingertips might brush that goal.

She manages a laugh at his suggestion, though, pulling back enough to look at him.]

You expect me to teach?

[He shrugs casually, still smiling, not moving to pull farther away from her.]

You could, if you wanted to. I don't expect you to do anything you don't actually want to.

[She's had enough of people trying to tell her what to do and how to act. And he could, and part of him still kind of wants to offer that kind of direction (he's a meddler in recovery, sorry) but he doesn't.

Still.]

But you could.

EIGHTY THREE ✖ VIDEO

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