wedonot | SEVENTY FOUR ✖ TEXT

Entry tags:

SEVENTY FOUR ✖ TEXT

Just so everyone's aware, I'll be making myself available for anyone who feels that they're in need of counseling in light of what happened.

On a similar note, especially in light of Mark's disappearance, if anyone is interested in volunteering as a counselor to those who might need it, I'd be happy to discuss how to make that work.

[Unless you're a cannibalistic serial killer, in which case you will need to find somewhere else to hang out. :|]

[Filtered to various Friends & Family]

I apologize for not being in touch sooner. I'm alright, and I'd appreciate hearing from you when you've got opportunity.

[Private to Anya]

I hear some congratulations are in order.

[Private to Alex]

Can I come see you?

[ooc: Charles is unaffected by the flood, but if you'd like to be all cuddly and fond with him, I am def up for it. :]b If you think you should be on the filter, you are, and if anyone wants to backdate anything for post-MirrorBarge fallout, I am down!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I know this is sort of ridiculous of me to say, considering I'm not exactly good at doing this myself, but looking after yourself every once and a while isn't a bad thing.

I'll be all right.

I know you will.

You still need someone to talk to.

I have people to talk to. Honestly.

Is that why you're shouting at Iris?

I'm shouting at Iris because I'm tired of people assuming the worst of me or using me as an emotional punching bag when all I've ever tried to do is help.

You don't usually, though.

Lose your temper.

I died, Zane. And it almost destroyed the person I care about more than anyone else in the world. I'm also trying to reconcile myself with the memories of effectively being him on that other Barge, along with incredibly unpleasant memories of my counterpart's childhood, and the fact that someone I love like a son was killed, too.

Now, I'm not trying to say that I'm psychologically or emotionally damaged beyond hope of repair, but considering I haven't exactly had much time to put much distance between myself and all that, I'm not really in the mood to have someone take out their frustrations on me when I've done literally nothing to deserve it.

That's what I mean.

It hurt Erik. You can't talk to him about it, then. It just means you're spreading the pain around, not getting rid of it.

Erik and I are fine. I just need a little more time to readjust, and in the mean time, I don't want to be the target for other people's bad feelings. I don't understand why that's too much to ask.

I wasn't saying you weren't, and I wasn't saying it was too much to ask.

You're not listening to me, Charles. I'm not taking Iris's side. But you're angrier than she should have been able to make you. You're hurt.

And that's all right.

I know it is, Zane. And I'm trying to explain where I'm coming from, and you're effectively telling me that I'm not processing this correctly, or that I don't have a reliable enough support system, and I don't agree with that. I've said I'd be willing to talk about what happened, but you changed the subject. I don't know what you want from me.

[ Zane begins to wonder, here, if Charles is challenging him on purpose. Testing Zane's patience.

Charles' responses seem... not quite right. Agitated, enough so that Zane is worried about him. He doesn't think he ever implied that Charles is doing anything wrong, just that - he needs more than what he has. Deserves more, maybe. ] I'm not saying what you have isn't good enough.

I don't - want anything from you. And if you think that, maybe I should go.

[Well, he has had a lot to deal with lately, which he's explained and people apparently aren't really processing the way he wants them to. B( He takes a slow breath, rubbing his forehead and temples, reaching for a sense of calm and control that's felt irritatingly far off during this conversation.]

I'm not very good about articulating why I'm upset, and I don't like doing it. It's easier for me to move on at my own pace, without people pressuring me to talk to someone about it. I appreciate that you're worried, but I'll be alright. [He hesitates, not sure if he just wants to leave things at that, because this really just goes farther into "things he's not thrilled to have to do".]

And Erik and I talking about what happened isn't just spreading the pain around. I talk to him because he understands what I'm going through, and I understand him. We take care of each other. And I'm going to be fine, it's just... frustrating to admit that I'm hurting and things aren't going well for me right now, but still have people trying to pressure me into doing things I don't feel comfortable with or not really hearing what I'm trying to say. I know it's alright to be hurt, and I have people to talk to. If you want to be one of those people, I appreciate it and I'm open to it, but you can't just jump in making assumptions about how I'm feeling or what my relationship with my friend is like.

[ He makes assumptions. It's what he does; he leaps to conclusions, he guesses about people's internal states. Sometimes he's wrong. Always, he pushes. ]

I push. It's what I do. You know that.

[ A hint defensive. ]

But I didn't mean to say your relationship wasn't... good. Just that maybe he's feeling the same kind of hurt, and that can make your world... narrow.

I am listening. [ He tries. ]

We'll be alright. [He doesn't really want to have to explain it more than that. It's always easier to deal with other people's problems and relationships and everything else than it is to deal with his own.] Honestly, I'd be a lot worse off if I didn't have him to talk to.

Friends are important.

The most important.

They are. [Although "friend" has always felt inadequate to describe his relationship with Erik.]

I basically was him, during the event.

Angry.

And more than that.

I don't really understand what happened to me in the flood. I was finally in a place where there was no one with power over me. I used people like I always wanted.

It changed me.

Feeling that anger, and more - do you think it changed you?