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FIFTY FIVE ✖ VOICE/SPAM
Mark and I have been discussing making ourselves available to anyone who feels that they need someone to talk to in a more traditional, therapy setting after what happened with Toshiko taking control of the ship. It doesn't require warden permission, and anything discussed will be considered entirely confidential, unless we believe there's a direct threat posed to yourself or to others by not saying anything.
[And he hesitates a beat before saying anything else, because lol does he feel like a hypocrite for saying it.] I know it isn't easy to talk with someone about this sort of thing, but you don't have to cope with it on your own. That goes for wardens, too.
If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask.
[Private to Anya]
You neglected to mention the wise and gentle advisor was a monkey. [But he sounds more amused than anything else, really.]
[Private to Felix]
[This is considerably harder to get into, and there's a part of him that's almost resistant to try, but guilt ends up winning out as it usually does.]
I wanted to apologize for how our conversation went the other day. Toshiko's actions tore open a few more old wounds than I'd like to admit, and I wanted to step away from the conversation without- [Making it obvious how badly he'd been fucked up. :v
He cuts himself off, frustrated with not just being able to brush this off, and not wanting to make it look like he was trying to make excuses.] I should have articulated myself better and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to seem like I was being dismissive.
[Spam for Erik]
[Charles set the comm aside and put his head in his hands, pressing the heels against his eyes and just trying to breathe. It was stupid, to let a teenager - and one known to be obnoxious and prone to exaggeration - get under his skin, but he was so tired of people accusing him of having some sinister motive when all he wanted to do was help people (even though he couldn't help Morgana, he couldn't help Erik or anyone, really), of suggesting he'd use his ability invasively without asking permission, and Chris throwing the fact that he'd looked up to him in his face had caught him off guard.
And how messed up was he for feeling guilty about that, that he wasn't the person Chris wanted him to be, when Chris was the one who was overreacting?
He hated it here. He wanted to go home. At least there, it felt like he was doing some tiny amount of good, compared to here where it felt like every time he opened his mouth, he just made things worse.
Darwin had said that he gave people hope. He didn't think that was true anymore. It felt like the Barge - or probably more specifically, the Vanquish - had twisted and broken something, something vital, and no matter how hard he tried to hold the pieces together, it just kept shattering as soon as too much weight got put on it, or if he dared to let it try to stand on its own.
He didn't know what to do. He was tired, and angry - at himself, at the Admiral, at everyone, really - and scared, because he felt helpless and damaged and he didn't know how to fix it, and God, that's all he wanted. He wanted to be confident and self assured and happy-
He didn't want to think about it. He just wanted to pack everything away and not have to deal with any of this, and so he clenched his teeth and kept just trying to breathe, squeezing his eyes shut and forcing his lungs to expand and contract, trying to just think of calm, find that place of serenity.]
[And he hesitates a beat before saying anything else, because lol does he feel like a hypocrite for saying it.] I know it isn't easy to talk with someone about this sort of thing, but you don't have to cope with it on your own. That goes for wardens, too.
If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask.
[Private to Anya]
You neglected to mention the wise and gentle advisor was a monkey. [But he sounds more amused than anything else, really.]
[Private to Felix]
[This is considerably harder to get into, and there's a part of him that's almost resistant to try, but guilt ends up winning out as it usually does.]
I wanted to apologize for how our conversation went the other day. Toshiko's actions tore open a few more old wounds than I'd like to admit, and I wanted to step away from the conversation without- [Making it obvious how badly he'd been fucked up. :v
He cuts himself off, frustrated with not just being able to brush this off, and not wanting to make it look like he was trying to make excuses.] I should have articulated myself better and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to seem like I was being dismissive.
[Spam for Erik]
[Charles set the comm aside and put his head in his hands, pressing the heels against his eyes and just trying to breathe. It was stupid, to let a teenager - and one known to be obnoxious and prone to exaggeration - get under his skin, but he was so tired of people accusing him of having some sinister motive when all he wanted to do was help people (even though he couldn't help Morgana, he couldn't help Erik or anyone, really), of suggesting he'd use his ability invasively without asking permission, and Chris throwing the fact that he'd looked up to him in his face had caught him off guard.
And how messed up was he for feeling guilty about that, that he wasn't the person Chris wanted him to be, when Chris was the one who was overreacting?
He hated it here. He wanted to go home. At least there, it felt like he was doing some tiny amount of good, compared to here where it felt like every time he opened his mouth, he just made things worse.
Darwin had said that he gave people hope. He didn't think that was true anymore. It felt like the Barge - or probably more specifically, the Vanquish - had twisted and broken something, something vital, and no matter how hard he tried to hold the pieces together, it just kept shattering as soon as too much weight got put on it, or if he dared to let it try to stand on its own.
He didn't know what to do. He was tired, and angry - at himself, at the Admiral, at everyone, really - and scared, because he felt helpless and damaged and he didn't know how to fix it, and God, that's all he wanted. He wanted to be confident and self assured and happy-
He didn't want to think about it. He just wanted to pack everything away and not have to deal with any of this, and so he clenched his teeth and kept just trying to breathe, squeezing his eyes shut and forcing his lungs to expand and contract, trying to just think of calm, find that place of serenity.]
[ Video : Private ]
Dean does not look tired, but he's been dealing with that for a lot longer than his time on the Barge, so that's a perk.]
Better, actually. Not that that's terribly difficult. You gettin' along?
[ Video : Private ]
[ Video : Private ]
Look, Charlie. He's a kid. They're supposed to be jackasses, especially teenage boys.
[ Video : Private ]
Before I came here, about a dozen people in the entire world knew what I was and what I was capable of because I was afraid of how people would react to someone telling them they could hear your thoughts. Now, everyone on board does, because I chose to tell them about it, thinking it would be safe to do so, and most people have been suspicious about it, if not openly hostile towards me because of it. [So basically, everything he was afraid of was 100% justified, and now he kind of hates being a telepath.]
I don't appreciate people accusing me of warping people's minds without their consent, or that I'm somehow less trustworthy because of what I am, and it's something I take very seriously.
[ Video : Private ]
Especially considering what's coming. The hunter chews his lip, then starts slowly.]
I dunno what would've ever made you think that was safe here, unless it was just because... this shit has a habit of coming out, around here, and it's better on your own terms. But I can explain what it's like from my side, or try.
[ Video : Private ]
[ Video : Private ]
Fine. How about a thanks for helping me, then?
[ Video : Private ]
[Which he has said way too many times on this stupid ship.]
[ Video : Private ]
How do you thank someone adequately for helping to make sure you didn't lose your fucking mind? If there's a way, Dean's not sure he knows it, or that he can do it off his own bat.
Instead, tone more serious than the hunter is normally given to:]
What would be enough?
[ Video : Private ]
I don't know. Prevent it from happening in the first place?
[ Video : Private ]
Everyone on this ship was working to that end, you ain't the only one to blame there. Hell, I should've prevented it from happening.
What's the next "enough?"
[ Video : Private ]
[ Video : Private ]