FIFTY FIVE ✖ VOICE/SPAM

[wedonot]

Mark and I have been discussing making ourselves available to anyone who feels that they need someone to talk to in a more traditional, therapy setting after what happened with Toshiko taking control of the ship. It doesn't require warden permission, and anything discussed will be considered entirely confidential, unless we believe there's a direct threat posed to yourself or to others by not saying anything.

[And he hesitates a beat before saying anything else, because lol does he feel like a hypocrite for saying it.] I know it isn't easy to talk with someone about this sort of thing, but you don't have to cope with it on your own. That goes for wardens, too.

If anyone has any questions, feel free to ask.

[Private to Anya]

You neglected to mention the wise and gentle advisor was a monkey. [But he sounds more amused than anything else, really.]

[Private to Felix]

[This is considerably harder to get into, and there's a part of him that's almost resistant to try, but guilt ends up winning out as it usually does.]

I wanted to apologize for how our conversation went the other day. Toshiko's actions tore open a few more old wounds than I'd like to admit, and I wanted to step away from the conversation without- [Making it obvious how badly he'd been fucked up. :v

He cuts himself off, frustrated with not just being able to brush this off, and not wanting to make it look like he was trying to make excuses.] I should have articulated myself better and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to seem like I was being dismissive.

[Spam for Erik]

[Charles set the comm aside and put his head in his hands, pressing the heels against his eyes and just trying to breathe. It was stupid, to let a teenager - and one known to be obnoxious and prone to exaggeration - get under his skin, but he was so tired of people accusing him of having some sinister motive when all he wanted to do was help people (even though he couldn't help Morgana, he couldn't help Erik or anyone, really), of suggesting he'd use his ability invasively without asking permission, and Chris throwing the fact that he'd looked up to him in his face had caught him off guard.

And how messed up was he for feeling guilty about that, that he wasn't the person Chris wanted him to be, when Chris was the one who was overreacting?

He hated it here. He wanted to go home. At least there, it felt like he was doing some tiny amount of good, compared to here where it felt like every time he opened his mouth, he just made things worse.

Darwin had said that he gave people hope. He didn't think that was true anymore. It felt like the Barge - or probably more specifically, the Vanquish - had twisted and broken something, something vital, and no matter how hard he tried to hold the pieces together, it just kept shattering as soon as too much weight got put on it, or if he dared to let it try to stand on its own.

He didn't know what to do. He was tired, and angry - at himself, at the Admiral, at everyone, really - and scared, because he felt helpless and damaged and he didn't know how to fix it, and God, that's all he wanted. He wanted to be confident and self assured and happy-

He didn't want to think about it. He just wanted to pack everything away and not have to deal with any of this, and so he clenched his teeth and kept just trying to breathe, squeezing his eyes shut and forcing his lungs to expand and contract, trying to just think of calm, find that place of serenity.]

Comments

[wedonot]

We're not forming an alliance, we're offering to speak with people who feel they need something other than a warden or a friend to confide in because we're the only people on board with psychiatric qualifications at the moment. No one's forcing you to communicate with either one of us professionally or privately.

[mistconduct]

So it's the guy who fucks with people's perceptions with the guy who thinks it's funny to joke about other people's dead parents, together at last. Hang on, I want to get a picture of this historic moment.

How long's it going to be before you make shit worse with everyone you touch?

[wedonot]

I don't "fuck with people's perceptions".

[mistconduct]

No, jackass, you do. So anyone who's going to you for help should be served with warning labels first.

[wedonot]

No, I don't. It's disgusting that you'd even suggest that.

[mistconduct]

Wow. Super judgmental for a shrink, aren't you?

[wedonot]

I take accusations like that quite seriously.

[mistconduct]

Then maybe you shouldn't be a therapist if you can't handle scrutiny or criticism.

[wedonot]

I can handle scrutiny and criticism when it's not not rooted in baseless discrimination.

[mistconduct]

And then the claws come out, Professor?

[wedonot]

No, I prefer to resolve issues like this by discussing things like adults. Is there a particular reason why you're so uncomfortable with me?

[locked to Chris and Charles]

[moreincommon]

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on a second here. Let's all take a step back, there's no reason to be hostile.

Now, Chris, by no means do you have to like either of us or support what we're doing. You and I definitely started off on the wrong foot, and I understand why you're upset with me. But what makes you think Charles changes people's perceptions?

[Public]

[mistconduct]

I can't go private filter, asshole, talk to my warden about that.

And there's reason to be hostile. I hate you. That's reason.

He just has a way of getting into your head with his goddamn words and fucking with you. He doesn't even have to use his powers to do it.

[Public]

[wedonot]

Chris, I'm sorry if you took offense to what I said about treating other people with respect even if you've read about them in a comic book, but I'm failing to see where that was an unreasonable request to make. Would you appreciate someone talking to you about something intensely personal just because they happened to catch a movie about your life?

[Public]

[mistconduct]

You really don't get it.

[Public]

[wedonot]

Would you explain it to me?

[Public]

[mistconduct]

I didn't see you in a movie.

I fucking worshiped you, you stupid dick. I read everything I could get my hands on. You were all I fucking had, growing up.

And then I come here and you're a massive jerk. It's like, what the fuck.

[Public]

[wedonot]

[Well.

That's. Strange.]

I'm honestly sorry you feel that way.

[Public]

[mistconduct]

Yeah. Sure you are.

Okay. Do your therapist thing to whatever assholes are dumb enough to take you up on that. I'm done. I'm out.

[Public]

[moreincommon]

And I respect that you feel that way, but I'm still a little confused. I've never done anything with the intent to make you feel bad, and I'm not sure where that perception is coming from.

Uh-huh... Did Charles say something to you that you didn't want to hear?

[Public]

[mistconduct]

God damn it I hate both of you.

You see, this is the shit I mean when I say you get into people's heads and fuck with them!

[Public]

[moreincommon]

We're not trying to mess with you, we're trying to communicate with you.

[Public]

[mistconduct]

I don't want to fucking communicate.

[Public]

[moreincommon]

And that's fine. In that case, you don't have to.

[Public]

[mistconduct]

Glad we're in agreement.

Fucking christ.