wedonot | FORTY NINE ✖ VOICE/SPAM

[Private to Lua]

Anya's asked me to share the conversation we had during the flood a few weeks ago with you. When would be a good time for you?

[Private to Merlin]

How long has Morgana been back? [He is willing to bet that you've known she's back for a while. B(]

[Filtered to Jean and Alex]

Arkady wanted to speak with me and a few other mutants about things she's experienced in her world. Would you two be interested in coming along with me?

[Open Spam for the CES]

[Erik's assessment to Moira during the flood - that Charles wasn't depressed and was still an optimist - was accurate. He'd come a long way from the crushing, oppressive, miserable depression that had followed him since Cuba, and things felt better, if not perfect.

But - as it often seemed to happen - recently, things had gone from fine to getting progressively harder to deal with, and Charles needed space and time to deal with it, to give himself time to rebuild his defenses and come back ready for more of it, which was why he was currently running through the CES in sweats and had been for the better part of an hour. The CES was currently a forest, probably somewhere in North America or maybe Europe. The air was chilly and damp, but not enough to be uncomfortable, and when he finally stopped, panting, leaning against a tree, he squinted up at the sky and trying to determine if it was actually going to start raining or not.

Ever since his spine had been healed, he'd maybe overcompensated for the time he'd spent in the wheelchair, or maybe it had something to do with what had happened with the Vanquish, but either way, he often went on runs in the morning. Today was different in that he was pushing himself to the point of exhaustion, because as long as he kept moving, it felt like he was doing something, allowed him to turn his mind off for a while, instead of examining his guilt about what he'd done to Moira, or his conflicting feelings about Anya, or his worry about Morgana. It was hard not to feel trapped, here, but the CES helped, and so he didn't move to leave just yet, wanting to catch his breath before he headed back in.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You knew?

Not while it was happening.

[Thank God is really the first thing that comes to mind, because. Well. Yeah. :c]

She's starting to remember.

[He felt like an absolute shitheel when the news first started to filter out of Amata and that's all coming back now. :c]

Forgive me, but I can't help but wish that were not so.

[He doesn't comment on that one way or another, because he has some mixed feelings about that.]

Have you heard from Gwen at all recently?

She's vanished from the Barge. It must have been during the flood.

Forgive me for being so candid, but I can't say I'm sorry to hear that. The last conversation we had didn't do much to convince me that she really believed in what we were doing here.

[A long pause, then:]

The Gwen I befriended in Camelot was a kind, selfless woman and a wise, just queen. Morgana has been relentless in her hatred but the Gwen I know and love would never be so...vicious. So pitiless.

[Charles considers for a moment and lets out a soft sigh.] I suppose it wouldn't be the first time the Admiral brought someone in from some parallel reality.

[This is a better thing to believe than the idea that Gwen is not-so-secretly a seething cauldron of unforgiving hatred when it comes to her former mistress.]

...I'm glad she's returned. If what you say is true, if she had so little hope, then this would not be a fitting place for her.

[Much better. B(]

Exactly. Is Arthur alright?

He doesn't want to speak of it.

I think he's relieved. He would rather see Gwen - any Gwen - at home, for her own sake, more than he would have her be here with him.

Believe me, I understand that. [He might not be telling Alex and Jean to leave, but. He would definitely sleep easier at night if they were somewhere safe, and not here.]

How are you doing?

I don't know.

[He said the same to Barbara, and he's not more certain now than he was then.]

Freya...

[A soft, shaky sigh.]

I don't know.

Do you want to talk about it?

....no. No, I don't think so.

Do you? About Moira.

Not really. [Although instead of just leaving it there, he sighs.] I feel like an asshole.

[So does Merlin, but for more convoluted reasons he knows Charles wouldn't agree with. :c]

You did what you had to.

...though I know how little comfort that can be.

[Charles is quiet for a long moment, because he's not really sure how much that's true anymore, or what he'd been hoping it would accomplish, and really, he just feels like shit.]

I miss her.

Is there any way it can be undone?

In theory, yes. I'd still have to explain myself.

Even if I just made a deal to prevent it from happening, I would still know I did it.

That'll be true no matter what you choose to do next. Do...

...do you feel that what you did was a mistake?

Yes.

Then...you should give yourself the chance to explain to her why you made it.

Maybe.

Freya seemed nice.

Private

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