wedonot | SEVENTY FOUR ✖ TEXT

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SEVENTY FOUR ✖ TEXT

Just so everyone's aware, I'll be making myself available for anyone who feels that they're in need of counseling in light of what happened.

On a similar note, especially in light of Mark's disappearance, if anyone is interested in volunteering as a counselor to those who might need it, I'd be happy to discuss how to make that work.

[Unless you're a cannibalistic serial killer, in which case you will need to find somewhere else to hang out. :|]

[Filtered to various Friends & Family]

I apologize for not being in touch sooner. I'm alright, and I'd appreciate hearing from you when you've got opportunity.

[Private to Anya]

I hear some congratulations are in order.

[Private to Alex]

Can I come see you?

[ooc: Charles is unaffected by the flood, but if you'd like to be all cuddly and fond with him, I am def up for it. :]b If you think you should be on the filter, you are, and if anyone wants to backdate anything for post-MirrorBarge fallout, I am down!]

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I wasn't saying you weren't, and I wasn't saying it was too much to ask.

You're not listening to me, Charles. I'm not taking Iris's side. But you're angrier than she should have been able to make you. You're hurt.

And that's all right.

I know it is, Zane. And I'm trying to explain where I'm coming from, and you're effectively telling me that I'm not processing this correctly, or that I don't have a reliable enough support system, and I don't agree with that. I've said I'd be willing to talk about what happened, but you changed the subject. I don't know what you want from me.

[ Zane begins to wonder, here, if Charles is challenging him on purpose. Testing Zane's patience.

Charles' responses seem... not quite right. Agitated, enough so that Zane is worried about him. He doesn't think he ever implied that Charles is doing anything wrong, just that - he needs more than what he has. Deserves more, maybe. ] I'm not saying what you have isn't good enough.

I don't - want anything from you. And if you think that, maybe I should go.

[Well, he has had a lot to deal with lately, which he's explained and people apparently aren't really processing the way he wants them to. B( He takes a slow breath, rubbing his forehead and temples, reaching for a sense of calm and control that's felt irritatingly far off during this conversation.]

I'm not very good about articulating why I'm upset, and I don't like doing it. It's easier for me to move on at my own pace, without people pressuring me to talk to someone about it. I appreciate that you're worried, but I'll be alright. [He hesitates, not sure if he just wants to leave things at that, because this really just goes farther into "things he's not thrilled to have to do".]

And Erik and I talking about what happened isn't just spreading the pain around. I talk to him because he understands what I'm going through, and I understand him. We take care of each other. And I'm going to be fine, it's just... frustrating to admit that I'm hurting and things aren't going well for me right now, but still have people trying to pressure me into doing things I don't feel comfortable with or not really hearing what I'm trying to say. I know it's alright to be hurt, and I have people to talk to. If you want to be one of those people, I appreciate it and I'm open to it, but you can't just jump in making assumptions about how I'm feeling or what my relationship with my friend is like.

[Alex sinks into the calm. He needs it, maybe more now than he ever did except when Darwin died. He was a stonefaced mess then, and he wasn't comfortable enough to let Charles in right away. He was barely comfortable speaking, asking for food in gestures and looking at no one until some of the hollowness got filled up.]

[But this is different. He knows what good a little nudge can do, from experience.]

[He pulls away now, slowly and reluctantly, and backs into his cabin so Charles can follow.]

It's okay. I'm - [His mouth hangs open, the intent to explain his state of mind after resurrection utterly defeated by an inability to find the right words. Instead, he falls back on what's easy, ushering the emotion-memory to the front of his mind, the way that the pain and the fear at being in the infirmary overrode sense for a while, and then the slow-cold-burn depression drift of the ensuing days, wrapped up in Nathan's cabin in blankets with no concept of the passage of time.]

[His feet scuff against the floor as he walks back to the bed, flopping down on it without meeting Charles's eyes. He's ashamed. He doesn't even really know why.]

I think I just needed some time.

[Charles hesitates near the door for a long moment before crossing over and sitting down next to him. There's space between them, but there's still light telepathic contact, just enough to say that he's here and listening, and to reassure them both - or maybe just Charles, who's been incredibly worried since he heard what happened - that they're alive.

Usually, he would start saying that he understands, but it wasn't him. That Alex would never be like that, that they're different people, and that's true, but he's been having a hard time separating himself from the person he'd been there, too. Admittedly, at least part of that has to do with the fact that he'd effectively been Erik, but it's not hard to see how one decision might have changed his life in a way that would have warped him, turned him bitter and angry and scared, willing to lash out at an entire species to protect people from what had happened to him as a child. And his anger had gotten someone he loved killed.

He'd like to pretend that the line between him and that sort of rage was thicker.]

I understand. [And for a moment, he can still feel himself relating with his counterpart, because he'd loved Alex in his own way there, but he hadn't known how to help him the way he'd like to. And here and now, he's not sure what to do, either. There's a part of him that wishes he could do something as simple as wrapping him up in a blanket and hugging him to help ease the pain and frustration, but it's not that easy. He's not a little kid.

So instead of offering a solution, or trying to tell him what he's sure dozens of other people have already tried to force on him, he just puts out the offer as simply as he can: he wants to help. Tell him what to do.]

Can I do anything?

[Do you need to talk, cry, yell, just sit here quietly, it's all wrapped up in there.]

Edited (spelling!!!) 2013-11-14 03:20 (UTC)

It's okay. I'm - I'm really glad you're okay. [Her voice is strained and soft.] Do you need anything?

[A wry, weary smile.] Don't worry about it. You still in the infirmary?

I'm alright, thank you. [More or less. He really just wants to move on with his life at this point.] What about you?

No, Erik and I left several days ago. How are you?

I'll be okay, too. It just scared me. More than anything.

[ Meaning that it was the scariest thing that happened to her, here.

She pulls away, and settles on the couch. ]

Mind if I stay for a while? [ Cause she's hanging out. Here. Now. You don't really have a choice in the matter. ]

I do not fully agree with that statement, sir, but I will decline to debate the point.

I am nearly fully recovered. My only concern was to clarify with you how to proceed to best facilitate a viable level of comfort in this environment.

I'm...I'll be okay. [She doesn't sound very convinced, but she has to try, doesn't she?]

...You were asking about - I've got a degree. Undergraduate, but...

Dealing. Or ignoring, one of those. [The words are lightly rueful; she knows her own coping mechanisms.] Frankly, she wasn't the worst person I've been.

Likewise. I'm afraid to say this, because it seems like it would just be inviting trouble, but it could have been much worse. [Not the dying part though, that was pretty fucking bad.]

That's better than most people here can offer.

No, I don't mind. [Honestly - and this by no means means that he's interested in dying again, or somehow happy that he was hurt and had this effect on people - it's nice to be looked after and cared about by two people who had once left him bleeding and paralyzed on a beach with no means to get home. And while that particular hurt between him and Erik had been patched up a long time ago, the same couldn't really be said for him and Raven, so no, he doesn't mind.]

Can I get you anything?

I honestly don't mind. I'm not upset with you.

Yeah. [A bit wry.] And I'd have needed practical training anyway.

Well, if we do get something worse, I know who to blame.

If there's anything you need to brush up on, I'm going to be helping Zane learn the basics at some point in the near future. You could help, if you'd like.

I suppose so.

Did you get through the door?

I'd like that.

No. Too much of an unknown quantity.

Helped get a few others through, instead. [Better risk them than her, and honestly, she can't say if she'd make the same decision now.]

[She leans back a bit, not enough to pull out of the hug entirely, just enough to look him in the eyes, her hands gripping his arms lightly, just below the elbows. She sniffs, gets her breathing steady and under control, manages a shaky smile.]

We should. Do things. Besides tea.

Everyone needs things that they can just. Do for themselves, you know? I suppose you're still pants at knitting.

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SEVENTY FOUR ✖ TEXT

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