[It probably isn't fair, but as Tony's distracted by the nausea and the sudden shock of being back to reality, Charles quickly turns to the side to wipe his eyes. He's had time to process the memories - it's been a year now, give or take a few weeks that he felt that tortured mind out in the ocean screaming with anger and pain and desperation - but they're still something that typically stay locked away, where he doesn't have to deal with them on a day to day basis. He has nightmares, sometimes, and it's the same thing, of not being able to determine where Charles Xavier ended and Erik Lensherr began, but even with time and reminders, it still makes him ache, to know what his friend went through, and to know there was nothing anyone could do to change it.
They could see it, feel it, think they were there and be horrified, but they still hadn't lived through it. With time and space, they could both compartmentalize, remember who Tony Stark and Charles Xavier were and act like they were fine. Erik didn't have that luxury.]
I'm sorry. [And he is, genuinely, because he knows how deeply affected you were when you experienced something like this, and he could see when Tony remembered escaping the cave, striking back at the people who'd attacked him and killed Yinsen, and he knew he understood. Probably better than Charles did, in some ways, because he'd never had that, not really. He hadn't been able to fight back against the Vanquish, and he'd never had anything like that happen to him, before he came to the Barge.
But he still understands the need to be sick, the shakiness, the trying to reassure yourself that you're in your own body and mind again, and he tries to help as best he can, sending waves of calm and you're safe, you're alright, just breathe, trying to soothe and calm him down before he says anything else, nudging the nausea and discomfort away a little bit.]
I'm not asking you to trust him, and I'm certainly not going to ask you to be his friend. I just- [And he has no idea what to say. He's never been great at really discussing his feelings for and about other people, and Erik, especially, is difficult for him to put into words. He loves him, he's almost like a brother, they just understand each other, even if they didn't agree on some really fundamental things, and putting all that into words without feeling uncomfortable is basically impossible. For someone who, in theory, knew more about most people than they knew about themselves, he really wasn't someone who enjoyed talking about himself.
He finally settles on something safer, less personal, in some ways, less of a plea to leave his friend alone because Charles cared and more global, focusing on the important impact, here.] Needed you to understand.
[And, really, he means it in so many ways. He wanted him to understand Erik, to know where he was coming from, but also to understand how powerful fear was, when it came to these issues, with people like Erik were willing to set fire to the world if they thought it meant they wouldn't be victimized again, to lash out at the people who hurt them before they had a chance to do it again, and how ignorance and fear was going to shape the lives of everyone like them. But also, selfishly, because he was selfish, sometimes, he needed him to understand why he was so defensive of his friend when it came to this sort of thing. He knew that Erik didn't need it, that he was more than capable of standing up for himself, but he wanted to do it, because he knew exactly what he'd been through, and it made him sick when people tried to brush it off.
Still. Whatever the motivation had been, it was a relief to know he did understand.]
spam
They could see it, feel it, think they were there and be horrified, but they still hadn't lived through it. With time and space, they could both compartmentalize, remember who Tony Stark and Charles Xavier were and act like they were fine. Erik didn't have that luxury.]
I'm sorry. [And he is, genuinely, because he knows how deeply affected you were when you experienced something like this, and he could see when Tony remembered escaping the cave, striking back at the people who'd attacked him and killed Yinsen, and he knew he understood. Probably better than Charles did, in some ways, because he'd never had that, not really. He hadn't been able to fight back against the Vanquish, and he'd never had anything like that happen to him, before he came to the Barge.
But he still understands the need to be sick, the shakiness, the trying to reassure yourself that you're in your own body and mind again, and he tries to help as best he can, sending waves of calm and you're safe, you're alright, just breathe, trying to soothe and calm him down before he says anything else, nudging the nausea and discomfort away a little bit.]
I'm not asking you to trust him, and I'm certainly not going to ask you to be his friend. I just- [And he has no idea what to say. He's never been great at really discussing his feelings for and about other people, and Erik, especially, is difficult for him to put into words. He loves him, he's almost like a brother, they just understand each other, even if they didn't agree on some really fundamental things, and putting all that into words without feeling uncomfortable is basically impossible. For someone who, in theory, knew more about most people than they knew about themselves, he really wasn't someone who enjoyed talking about himself.
He finally settles on something safer, less personal, in some ways, less of a plea to leave his friend alone because Charles cared and more global, focusing on the important impact, here.] Needed you to understand.
[And, really, he means it in so many ways. He wanted him to understand Erik, to know where he was coming from, but also to understand how powerful fear was, when it came to these issues, with people like Erik were willing to set fire to the world if they thought it meant they wouldn't be victimized again, to lash out at the people who hurt them before they had a chance to do it again, and how ignorance and fear was going to shape the lives of everyone like them. But also, selfishly, because he was selfish, sometimes, he needed him to understand why he was so defensive of his friend when it came to this sort of thing. He knew that Erik didn't need it, that he was more than capable of standing up for himself, but he wanted to do it, because he knew exactly what he'd been through, and it made him sick when people tried to brush it off.
Still. Whatever the motivation had been, it was a relief to know he did understand.]